'A New God' An extract from Loony Times

Good Heavens, 14th February (Standard Heavenly Time) -In the aftermath of the Adelaide one day international against Sri Lanka, substantial changes have been made in the Indian cricket team. An emergency meeting of the CISI was convened by the chairman, Vishnu to discuss the ramifications.

Readers might recall that the Committee for Increasing Sanity of Indians (CISI) was instituted after Vishnu and Brahma discussed at length on the increasing affinity of Indians towards cricket. The purpose of the committee is to ensure the Vast Indian Hordes do not stray from the destined path. The first decisive action taken by the committee was to create a 10^th Avatar of Vishnu to become God of Cricket. (Oh God!!!)

In light of the continued failure by Tendulkar, it was decided by the committee to take swift action. In a late night announcement made at 7PM on the MMT (Menial Mortal Time), it was conveyed that Sachin has been now promoted to God Emeritus, an honorary position. The position of God of cricket has now been bestowed on Mahendra Singh Dhoni, who has been promoted from the position of Joint God. The committee consisting of Vishnu, Shiva and Brahma finalized this after a very brief deliberation. “By saving Indian cricket from the brink of disaster, MSD has proved he is worthy of taking on this coveted position” said Saraswati, the spokesperson for the committee.

There were other contenders for the position, namely Sreesanth, backed by the Mallu lobby and Aamir Khan, whose name was put forward by the hardcore viewers of Lagaan. “It is difficult to ignore Sreesanth’s contribution to cricket. A whole state has been won over from football to cricket only by his efforts. But finally, all things considered, we came to the conclusion that MSD is the best candidate” said Saraswati.

The promotion of MSD naturally brought about a string of related promotions. Gautam Gambhir was promoted from Additional God to Joint God and Virat Kohli has been promoted from Assistant God to Additional God. Sehwag remains in the Oh My God category.  

While most people are happy with these changes, the opposition, led by Narakasura trashed the decision as a compromise formula.

Balasaheb Thackeray, when informed of the decision was livid. “This is a conspiracy to slowly ease out Maharshtrians from Mumabi” he thundered. His nephew, Raj Thackeray, however welcomed the decision. “Sachin was always a Marathi Manoos. Making him God was a cheap stunt. We welcome him back to the ranks of the Marathi Manoos” he said.

Tendulkar, when contacted refused to comment. However, our reporter overheard him muttering “Aila” repeatedly, a sure sign that the legend was under stress.